Dearest Raya, I’ve been holding on to this thought for days now. A year ago, I found out I was pregnant with you. I still remember how nervous I was when I realized it. With me being diabetic, asthmatic, and struggling with back pain, I immediately worried about how I was going to carry you safely. The moment I found out, I stopped taking all my medications because I didn’t want anything to harm you. I started looking for doctors right away because I wanted to make sure you r

Dearest Raya, This is our team of doctors and nurses when I gave birth to you. This may be a long overdue letter, but I was waiting for the time when I could finally process everything. I want to introduce you to them, my love. First, our anesthesiologist, Dr. Alano . He made sure I was okay the whole time. He kept asking me if I was alright, reassuring me that we could do it. He asked me if I wanted to meet you, and I said yes. That’s why he didn’t put me to sleep. His prese

My Dearest Raya, I kept wondering what I could give you this Christmas. I kept thinking of a gift, but Mommy couldn’t think of anything. Then one morning, it came to me — this is the greatest gift I could give you. To honor you. To share our story. To help others find their way through grief, just like I’m trying to do. This website was created with the help of people dear to me. They came together, chipped in, and supported me so this could be made possible. It reminds me th

My Dearest Raya, Today, I was invited by your big sister to attend a mass. She’s the choir leader, and she wanted us to be there. It was a First Holy Communion mass. When we left home it wasn’t raining, but the moment we arrived at the church, the rain began to pour. And when the mass started, it rained even harder… almost like heaven opened its doors for us. While the choir was practicing their songs, I started to cry, Raya. Their voices sounded so angelic. So pure. So comfo

Today marks one month without you, my love. One month of not holding you in my arms. It still feels unreal. There are moments when I choose to believe I didn’t give birth to you at all, because the truth hurts more than my heart can carry.

Days ago, I chanced upon a Shrine in Sucat, the Our Lady of Miraculous Medal Shrine. It wasn’t planned at all. It was an impromptu stop, but somehow it felt like I was meant to be there.

Your daddy and I will be experiencing big changes soon. A new environment, a new life, new people to be with. I know that you and God will always guide us no matter what happens, and because of that, I feel at peace.

My Dearest Raya, Today, my heart hurts. Someone dear to me said that I only post about you for attention… that I’m asking for sympathy. They told me that if I want to write letters or journal, I should just keep it to myself. Hearing that was painful. It felt like they didn’t see how hard I’m trying to survive each day without you. But Raya, writing about you is the only way I can breathe through this pain. It’s how I feel close to you. It’s how I cope. And yes, I could keep

Dearest Raya, It’s been a hard day, Raya. I’ve been crying and asking myself if everything that happened was my fault. I keep seeing flashbacks in my head, and it’s still very painful for me. I can’t sleep well. I just want someone to hold my hand and tell me that everything will be okay. I pray that we’ll get through this. I’m so tired, but I miss you so much, my baby. Today, I received your Ninang’s gift for you. It’s so tiny and so cute, I wish you could wear it. Seeing it