Letters and You

My Dearest Raya,

Today, my heart hurts.

Someone dear to me said that I only post about you for attention… that I’m asking for sympathy. They told me that if I want to write letters or journal, I should just keep it to myself. Hearing that was painful. It felt like they didn’t see how hard I’m trying to survive each day without you.

But Raya, writing about you is the only way I can breathe through this pain. It’s how I feel close to you. It’s how I cope. And yes, I could keep everything private… but I don’t want to.

I want to share our story because I know I’m not the only one feeling this kind of heartbreak.

I want to be relatable.

I want people who experienced this kind of loss to find comfort in my words. To find solace in knowing someone understands.

I want them to know they’re not alone, that their feelings are valid, that their grief matters too.

That’s why I’m doing this.

Not for attention, not for sympathy — but to help others who are silently hurting. If my letters to you can give even one mother a little peace, then sharing my pain becomes meaningful.

Lately, I’ve been feeling the signs of depression again. I’m scared of slipping back into the darkness I fought so hard to escape. I’m trying, Raya. Every day, I’m trying to stay strong. But sometimes, the world feels so harsh. And I just wish people could be a little kinder, because no one truly knows another person’s battles — only God does.

I hope you see everything, my love.

I hope you know that all of this — every word, every post, every letter — is for you and because of you.

You give me a reason to keep going, even when it’s hard.

I miss you every day, my angel baby.

I love you always and forever,

Mommy ☁️💗